The Advice shared by A Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk among men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."